|notreallyme10 (notreallyme10) wrote,|
@ 2007-08-20 09:58:00
Originally posted: 11/20/06 LJ
The first time I let him do it was because I knew it would give me even more power over him. Justin had fucked a few other guys, but we all know Justin, and what he really wanted was me. Sometimes he would beat around the bush, and sometimes he would ask me straight out. I never turned him down flat. I always made sure he knew that there was a chance. It turned him on so much. Just the idea of it happening in the future was enough to get him to do whatever I wanted (like that was ever a problem). Eventually I couldn’t keep putting it off, and I had to pony up, but I had so much control over the situation that I might as well have been on top. I practically got off on his enthusiasm alone (I said practically), and that right there should have shown me how fucked I was, and not just by the dick in my ass. After that I would dole it out occasionally, always on my terms.
The morning after I spent the night in jail and he quit his job with the Sap, was the first time he fucked me and took any actual control. But even then it was only because I decided to let him, cause I knew how hard it was for him to take money from me. And I think Justin knew that I was throwing him a bone, so to speak. Anyway after that he was a little more aggressive. I mean don’t get me wrong, more often than not it was Justin’s ass getting fucked because he loves it. That kid can’t get enough of anything in his ass, my fingers, my tongue, my dick, other peoples fingers, tongues and dicks, toys, whatever he or I can get our hands on really. But there was a slight shift in power and when he felt like fucking my ass he did because…..well because I liked it. Most people might find it hard to believe, but I actually like getting my ass fucked. Not like Justin likes it cause come on, but yeah I like it. Even crave it sometimes. But before Justin came around I was never willing to give up enough control to let it happen. Imagine what all the queers on Liberty Avenue would think if they knew that sometimes when I, Brian Kinney, was home alone I would fuck myself on a dildo just to get that particular itch scratched. Once Justin came around he just did the scratching for me, and pretty well I might add.
After the cancer everything changed again. When I fuck Justin he always, from the first night on, gives himself over to me completely. Whether I hold him down and fuck him hard or tie him up and torture him relentlessly for hours, he is willing to give me all of the control, all the power over his body I want. He is so uninhibited, so unconcerned with image. All Justin has ever cared about, besides me of course, is having the best fucking sex and the best fucking orgasms possible. I envied him that, the ability to be so open sexually, so focused on pleasure. Might sound strange coming from me, a man whose friends know they will be dropped at a moments notice for a good blow job or a fuck. But the one thing Justin had that I didn’t was the ability to give himself over to someone, me, and trust that they would make it worth his while. Like I said after the cancer, things changed again.
I’d like to say that I opened up and let him in; that I made a conscious decision to be more like him, but that’s not the way it happened. I’m sure I had something to do with it, but for the most part it was Justin. He just got so good at…..everything. Not that he was ever bad, cause he would never have gotten a second chance if he was, but he did mature and gain a certain amount of confidence. When he wanted to he could make me lose my fucking mind. Seemed to be that he wanted to more and more often. I’m not only talking about him fucking me, which we did increasingly often, but even when the kid was on the bottom he seemed to just do something to me. When he did want to fuck me or when he decided that I “needed to be fucked” as he puts it, I would still put up a fight but we both knew it was just an act. As soon as he got his mouth on my asshole, all the fight would go out of me. As many men have found out, Justin is a master at giving head, but what far fewer know is that his mouth has no better use than a rim job. I couldn’t even tell you what the fuck he does down there. I do know he gives it his all, and sometimes I feel like he is trying to crawl inside my body. He almost never lets me come with his tongue in my ass because he knows I hate to be fucked right after I come. Most often he just fucks my ass with his tongue and fingers until I’m completely incoherent. Until he knows I’m not thinking about who’s on top, about who’s in control. He makes me focus entirely on what he is doing to me, on how it feels. And then he fucks my ass with his dick. And damn if the kid doesn’t have the right idea. I remember clearly the first time he successfully pushed me all the way. Pushed me until I gave in and gave up and let him take what he wanted. I don’t think I ever realized orgasms like that were possible. I set out to teach the little twat a thing or two about sex, and instead, cliché of all clichés, he taught me something.