More Than Wanting - Repost
More Than Wanting Written for the Yearning theme in the ClusterFuck Challenge at qaf_challenges. Thanks to my amazing beta, _alicesprings!
I feel it all the time, that nagging ache in my gut and throbbing want in my cock. I have to have him and not just once. Or twice. And not just for fun, not just for a good fuck. From the first night, I wanted him so bad it hurt. Wanted his hands on my body and his cock inside me. Wanted his attention and his time. And most of all I wanted his love, yearned for it.
And somehow I know that it is there for the taking. All of it. And just for me.
It doesn't matter where I am or what I'm doing, he's always the first thing on my mind. I can't concentrate on anything else. When I'm not with him I'm sketching him, plotting ways to spend more time with him or jerking off thinking about him.
Daph's sick of hearing about him, my parents want him out of my life, his friends want me out of his life and none of that matters to me.
He pushes me away and I don't care.
I can't stop it or rein it in and more importantly, I don't want to.
My day was for shit. Nothing went right at work and Cynthia was in a foul mood. Mikey called four times to "check" on me and generally irritate the shit out of me.
Being home isn't any more relaxing. A few swigs of Beam and a long hot shower do nothing to ease the tension in my shoulders or the ache in my gut. Woody's and Babylon are out; I'm not interested in dancing or making nice with others.
I need something, anything, to cure this restlessness I feel. I consider going to the baths but I've been there the last three nights and I didn't find what I was looking for.
I grab the phone and dial instead. I'm very clear about what I want and I tell the guy not to bother if they can't match my description, but he assures me they have "just the boy" for me. I hang up and pace with the Beam bottle for awhile.
A half hour later I realize I have to put the bottle down if I have any hope of enjoying tonight's entertainment. I sit at the bar and force myself to eat an apple.
I want him. I want to fuck him more than I've ever wanted to fuck anyone. I want to bury my face in his ass and tongue fuck him until he screams. I want to grab his hair and fuck his face. I want him to ride my cock hard, head thrown back and all the muscles in his body straining for more.
I want him here.
I'm just about to grab the bottle again when I hear the buzzer. Took him long enough. I consider sending him away. But it's him or the Beam and I don't have that much Beam left.
I always wanted him. When we were together and when we were apart. But moving to New York made me feel like I did when we first met.
I long to be with him.
I miss him more than I ever imagined. I want to go home to him... but I love it here. I'm thriving in New York and it makes me feel like I am being pulled in two different directions, split in half by this wonderful new life and the pain of being without him.
But everything falls into place when he's here. In New York I've made a life for myself and Brian doesn't even try to hide how proud he is. Being together in New York is everything I want, but it only lasts a few days before Brian has to go back to Pittsburgh and I'm left feeling like there is a gaping hole in my life.
I told him that once and he made some crack about filling my holes. But he feels it too.
I can hear it, in his voice on the phone when he's telling me about his day or moaning my name.
I think about it when I'm stroking my cock. I think about it when he's blowing me. I think about it when I'm fucking his ass.
I've got my tongue in his hole and all I can think about is getting my bare cock in there.
I've always thought fucking raw would be hot, but I never thought I would want it this bad. I never thought I would become completely consumed by it, to the point of distraction. To the point that I can't imagine anything better than fucking Justin without a condom.
He knows of course, because he can always read me.
He rubs his ass against my cock in the shower until my fists clench and I'm panting in his ear. He sits on my lap in bed, my dick resting in his crack while he jerks off.
And through it all he doesn't say a word. Doesn't ask for it, just tortures me with a sly smile on his face.